the lonliness I carry with me:
12:22 a.m. 2006-12-22

Everywhere I walk I carry the baggage of lonliness with me and it weighs on me. When I was at the grocery store earlier tonight I felt isolated in the barren artic wastelands of loneliness. I think I thought about her my mom is moving on with her life and has a new love interest and 2 of my best friends are in stable relationships. I have 2 other friends not as close but they have girlfriends that will wrap their arms around their man and I have no one at all. Even my brother upon returning from the store mentioned something about a possible girlfriend. It is like what is going on am I that horrible a person to be with.

Now I happen to be at home in my room and wish I had that person who could wrap their arms around me and kiss me tenderly. I would love to feel a girl who I am geniunely interested in me run her fingers through my hair or pat my head I would take a head pat. Unfortunately there is no for whom I rely on for such basic comfort. I begin to wonder if there would ever be such a person for me. I am destined to be alone forever? I hope not because I do not know how I can bare life with such bleakness.

I should have a girlfriend who loves to be with me and feels close to me and wants to make me feel good. What I wonder is how come every girl that I am interested in has a boyfriend that is what I would like to know. Is it possible that there are a shortage of girls where I live and anyone decent is attached in some sort of way? All I know is that I am so tired of feeling this way and things must change.

There is this girl at the place I have workstudy who seems like she might be interested in me, might because I am a bit of a numbskull in analysing female behaviour. She maybe just a naturally friendly girl which is what I really like about her that she is so openly warm. I have to however decide how I feel about her so that I can make a conclusive decision about her. That's it for now. Damon.

I just thought of something! Maybe the reason that girls do not want to take a chance on me because they don't know me and none of their friends do as well so they are unwilling to take that leap of faith. However why should I socialize with their peer group when I only want to date them not their friends. There is good reason to go this route because there are a lot of weirdos around. However what does that say about a person who will only date friend's ex-boyfriends? Besides if these people were so attractive wouldn't one of their girlfriends have hung on to them?
Signing off again. Damon.