pineing for a girlfriend in my room all day long:
12:09 a.m. 2007-01-06

I was here the whole day most of the time spent in my room wishing that I had a girlfriend and that she would make my every fantasy come true. I was writhing on bed in extasy fantasizing about this girl whom I saw on a few occassions when I went to the local big-box electronics retailer.

Last time I went there I was shopping during boxing week and she told me that she hoped I got everything I was looking for. I knew that I would not get everything I was looking for because I needed a girlfriend.

That is what I really wanted not a bunch of dvd boxsets while nice are complementry to what I need so badly. I wanted her as she stood in front of me looking so sexy as her uniform pants hugged her womanly hips. How I could have used her touch. How that would heal me right now. I think next time I see her I will try to find out about her and if I still like her then ask her out on a date.

It has been tough because I don't know anywhere to meet women for dating purposes that I might be compatible with, being a fairly quiet and shy guy. I cannot underestimate the importance of finding women who are available which is quite important.

At a person's place of work there is limited opportunity to talk as they are on the clock and they are cognescent of that. There are also the demands of the particular job which makes it impossible to talk. At college it is not that must better as women are rushing to and from class and/or into their boyfriend's arms. Women who do socialize at the college go to the campus pub so unless you are a total booze hound which I am not you are out of luck.

I am sure that their have been a few opportunities for me to hook up but with my social anxiety I have I created sufficient distance from people man and woman. I guess I just assumed the worst that people would not like me and that thinks would turn out badly so I avoided potentially painful situations. I am in a lot of pain because of this isolation which in part I have created myself the irony is not lost on me.